Journals9
Newest
Not again
1 min read
I am so frustrated right now. I finally ended up planning and came up with an idea to paint on my brand new canvas. I was all looking forward to it and mixing paint.
But no. All the plans just went out the window now that I'm burning up with fever. My eyes are constantly watering up and I can barely see the canvas. This sucks.
Uni will start soon and now when will I ever find time and motivation to paint again? Aishhh...(That's how Koreans swear when they get frustrated.)
I wanted to experiment with some Halloween make up ideas as well. I really wanted to do that so badly.
So many things to do and many things are in the way of completing anything.
When am I ever gonna finish studying about Gas turbine engines and hydraulics? Work is piling up but all I wanna do lately is paint.
But no. All the plans just went out the window now that I'm burning up with fever. My eyes are constantly watering up and I can barely see the canvas. This sucks.
Uni will start soon and now when will I ever find time and motivation to paint again? Aishhh...(That's how Koreans swear when they get frustrated.)
I wanted to experiment with some Halloween make up ideas as well. I really wanted to do that so badly.
So many things to do and many things are in the way of completing anything.
When am I ever gonna finish studying about Gas turbine engines and hydraulics? Work is piling up but all I wanna do lately is paint.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Time for a comeback?
2 min read
Should I or should not?
I haven't been active for almost 14 weeks and there are people out there wondering if I even tried to kill myself. Wow. I'm not that brave. But if I ever think of dying, it's because I'm dying to live. Sometimes I felt like I should just disappear in the middle of somewhere while doing something you love and leave a legacy behind like the famous Amelia Earhart did. I have always wanted to explore the unknown by myself.
But honestly, I went away for like three months. Went to different countries. Met all kinds of broken people.
I did meditation, yoga and hypnotherapy. You name it. Ran everyday.
At the beach I let the waves wash over me, as the tears streamed down my face.
Got wet in cold, freezing rain till I was numb.
Sat in the hallway of my hotel room in my night dress and cried at 3am as sleep wouldn't come to me.
I roamed the streets without saying goodbye or explaining anything to anybody.
Ran around barefoot in the middle of a storm because I loved how loud the skies were screaming burdened just like me.
But life wasn't just enough for me. My life wouldn't be enough without art.
If anything I would live for art. Art that heals the broken ones like you and me.
I haven't been active for almost 14 weeks and there are people out there wondering if I even tried to kill myself. Wow. I'm not that brave. But if I ever think of dying, it's because I'm dying to live. Sometimes I felt like I should just disappear in the middle of somewhere while doing something you love and leave a legacy behind like the famous Amelia Earhart did. I have always wanted to explore the unknown by myself.
But honestly, I went away for like three months. Went to different countries. Met all kinds of broken people.
I did meditation, yoga and hypnotherapy. You name it. Ran everyday.
At the beach I let the waves wash over me, as the tears streamed down my face.
Got wet in cold, freezing rain till I was numb.
Sat in the hallway of my hotel room in my night dress and cried at 3am as sleep wouldn't come to me.
I roamed the streets without saying goodbye or explaining anything to anybody.
Ran around barefoot in the middle of a storm because I loved how loud the skies were screaming burdened just like me.
But life wasn't just enough for me. My life wouldn't be enough without art.
If anything I would live for art. Art that heals the broken ones like you and me.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Hey guys!
2 min read
How are you all? Hope you are doing great.
I just want to say sorry again to all my new and old lovely watchers(No, I am not referring to your age lol 
) who are probably wondering what is going on with me not posting any deviations lately. I haven't been active for a lot of reasons. You know, it's like having a war within yourself and you just don't know whose side you should be on. Very hard to explain some of the things my brain comes up with and why. You need to take some time out and rethink your priorities before you continue.
) who are probably wondering what is going on with me not posting any deviations lately. I haven't been active for a lot of reasons. You know, it's like having a war within yourself and you just don't know whose side you should be on. Very hard to explain some of the things my brain comes up with and why. You need to take some time out and rethink your priorities before you continue.Somewhere along the way I guess I just lost myself. Lost in fear and pain of losing people I love and my passion for things that mattered most to me. I was confused and scared but something in me wanted to keep going no matter what. Moving on from betrayal, heartbreak and brokenness for whatever reasons are one of the most hardest things to do and still survive. But no, nothing stayed the same anymore. And with time I feel renewed and a much more stronger version of myself. I regret nothing at all, even my mistakes and the things I thought I could have done to change the way things turned out at the end.
I miss my colours that gave me light in the dark. I miss my pencils that helped me sketch a world of my own to escape. I miss my paint that blew me away and gave life to all my imagination and far beyond. I want to draw, paint and write again about anything and everything.
I am ready for a new beginning. 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Hate the way I feel right now...
2 min read
First of all I just wanna say sorry to all my watchers who were expecting to see artwork from me lately and as you all know I haven't really been much active on da because of a lot of things.One of those reasons was school and exams, but thank God they are over for good!!
According to my art teacher my so called 'Luministic' painting looks finished but to me it doesn't. But anyways I handed it up because I didn't have any more time to work on it and it was time for art moderation as well. Everything just came crashing down after my art folio went missing. Actually I would rather not delve into that too much because all I wanna do now is just move on from it. Past is Past.
To add to my dilemma, gotta a serious infection on my wound which didn't heal for weeks. And the doctor put me some super heavy antibiotics which made me feel even worse mentally. I was always so tired and felt there was no energy in me. All I wanted to do was lay in bed all day and ignore my urge to paint. Painting doesn't come easily anymore to me. But that doesn't stop me from trying though. A lot of unfinished pieces of art at home right now. But thankfully I am getting better and my wound is healing slowly and I am not in pain anymore. But still I have to take it easy and try not to stress out too much. Being sick makes me feel depressed.
By the way, I am working on something right now. It's a waterfall painting but it's not coming along the way I want it to be. All I can do is try. I try, try and try even if it kills me. I'm awfully depressed right now if you want the truth but I'm holding on to the fact that it will pass soon if not now.
Thanks for reading if you read this not so uplifting journal. There will be more depressing posts coming if I don't feel better soon. Sorry about that, the way I feel influences everything I do lately.
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Work...and more Work
4 min read
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In